Sometimes It’s Best to Keep Your Mouth Shut

August 14, 2011

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.” – Colossians 3:13

After we got married, I made the decision to always be totally honest with Anne. So, whenever I had an impure thought about someone else, I’d say something stupid like, “You know, I could be sexually attracted to her.” Well, after about a year of this, Anne exploded. “Don’t tell me that stuff!” she stated, “You’re driving me crazy!” Hey, I was just trying to be honest. But, it finally registered that maybe I hadn’t really handled that situation very well. True, I needed to confess my thought-sin to God, but I was foolish to create that insecurity for my wife. To her, in that case, I should have kept my confessing between God and me.

But when sin goes beyond thoughts and some action has taken place, such as dabbling in pornography – then that sin does need to be confessed to your wife. Your marriage will never have the closeness God intends unless you and your partner are honest on this subject.

And a word to the wives and husbands: if your spouse is courageous enough to confess a problem they’re dealing with, I hope that you’ll seek the help to forgive. You say, “But I’ve been deceived. I’ve been betrayed.” Yes, you have. But I still hope you’ll seek to forgive. Because an opportunity is created when your spouse genuinely repents and you are willing to forgive. Real forgiveness is a chance for a new beginning, to be close in your marriage; an opportunity to have true love and respect, just as God desires. Then, together, you can have a more intimate relationship with Him.