If happiness is a by-product of being in God's will, etc., then what does one do about a 19 year marriage wherein there is no happiness and it has been a struggle from day one??? Has my marriage put me OUT of God's will for so long, should I follow thru with leaving, should I stay and pray for blessings? What is God didn't want me in the r'ship from the start? - Pamela

Pamela: have you been to couples counseling? - Erik

Pamela,
In reference to part of your comment,"what if God didn't want me in this relationship to start with", in most wedding ceromonies the officiant will say "What God has joined together let no man put asunder", you may be correct, God may not have put you two together. Alot of times we follow our lust in choosing our mates and we don't follow God. He has never put two people together who he couldn't keep together but there again you took a vow to stay together. I am not saying God won't forgive you should something happen to the union but you would have to go to him in prayer to ask for forgiveness. Eric asked you a good question have you "Two" been to counseling? Concider this option and see if it helps. I will be praying for your problem. - Jerry

Pamela: Don't be concerned whether God wanted you in the relationship 19 years ago. You are in it now, and it is God's will that you stay in the relationship. I don't know where your husband is in his relationship with God, but if you both love God seek his will, your marriage will be blessed. As you both grow closer to God, he will draw the two of you together. Even if your husband is not a Christian, it is still God's will that you stay married if he is willing to stay with you, because you can be a light for him (1 Corinthians 7:10-16). I think Erik's suggestion of couple's counseling is a good one, but be sure to seek out a Christian counselor. - RickY

I don't really remember the bible stating that as christian that we will be "happy." It does state that that we can have a peace that passes understanding. In my interpretation that no matter what circumstances we are in that we will not neccessarily be happy about it, but we can feel God with us in a way that we didn't before we accepted Christ and that give us more of a peace than before. I can identify with that in that I had rather an unhappy childhood, but when at 15 I accepted Christ even though my actual circumstances did not change, I had more of a peace about it. I do feel like with with prayer and work like counseling that a marriage can become much much better if for no other reason than one half of the relationship has improved and usually the other person will gradually change also. God bless - christ follower

God loves us all, but he also hates divorce. The percent of failed marrages who pray together, go to church together and read the Bible is very, very low. I am not a counceler or anything, but I have had trouble in my marrage too. I would suggest that you both make up your mind to work harder on your marrage for the next six months than you ever have before. No decisions can be made in those six months. Spend those months praying, reading your Bible and going to church. At the end of Janurary see where you are. I will pray for you. - Jennifer

Praise the Lord!! to all my brothers, sisters, ladies, and gentlemen. I fully concur, there is no real, and gratifying hapinness, peace, and or joy outside of Christ. I have concluded; I cannot seek my happiness in any other source but God. Moreover; Ms. Pam, we all make unwise choices, even as believers. Howbeit; I don't believe, our unwise choices will put us out of the will of God. God allows "U" turns. Ask God for direction, and clarity, and He will do just that. Pam, there is hope. Jesus is our Prince of Peace, and our eternal Hope. Happy 4th Of July to all. Blessings..... - Don Carlito

If we look to our spouse to make us happy, we will usually be disappointed. My happiness is my responsibility and the best place to start is with a relationship with Jesus Christ. I agree with Erik, that counseling can often help to see problems in a different light and work out differences.
We owe it to our vows to God and our spouse to work as hard as possible at our marriages. A passage that can be very helpful is Philippians 4:11-13. - Melanie

Erik, I left you another comment for yesterday. If you really do seed wisdom, then you need to read some C.S. Lewis. He will make the "move from atheism to Christianity" understandable even for you. Whether your heart is receptive is a matter for the Holy Spirit. A lot of folks are praying for you. - G-man

Good point, Christ follower. God does not promise that we will be happy. As Bryant says, "In the process, you *may* discover happiness", but it is certainly not a given. I think his point (playing off the words in the Declaration) is that if your goal is to pursue happiness, you will never find lasting happiness. But, by following God's lead, as imperfectly as we often do, we can find true joy, and will learn to be content in whatever our circumstances. - RickY

Hello, Pamela, Thanks for your questioning which prompts so many to think and want to help you in some way. From your last question it seems you may feel that God could be punishing you for not following His direction earlier in your life. I think this may be focusing too much on you and not enough on how you can use the situation to glorify God. Believe in God and what He can do in your present situation. I had a friend many years ago who went to Alanon (sp?) and she took away a phrase that might help, "Take the best and leave the rest". That does not mean leave the person but it does mean to focus on what is good about the person and try to overlook the other behaviors that are less than desirable. I guess that saying goes along with those other words used so often, "Love the sinner, but hate the sin". Sometimes it is hard to separate the two but with God's help you can do it. Turn lemons into lemonade and God will be glorified. May God bless you in your efforts to make this marriage work out. May you find He gives you His eyes and heart for your husband. - Janice

I pray constantly for the safety, godliness and happiness of my wife and Children. I have done much to be ashamed of. But I will never stop hoping and paraying for them. - bart